Anyone who has spent time in leadership spaces knows that most conversations about leadership tend to focus on strategy, performance, forecasting, risk management and results. These things matter, and they absolutely should. Organisations rely on strong thinking in these areas to function well, move the $$ and deliver outcomes.

Yet after more than two decades of working inside organisations, leading teams and supporting leaders through complex change, one pattern continues to emerge. Most leadership challenges are not technical in nature; they are relational.

Consider a few familiar scenarios:

• A capable manager hesitates to give honest feedback because they are worried it might damage the relationship with their direct report.

• A senior leader avoids addressing behaviour in a team meeting because trust already feels fragile and the organisation has been through significant change over the past two quarters.

• A team gradually loses momentum, not because people lack capability, but because the conversations that shape accountability never quite land in ways that shift behaviour.

On the surface, these situations are often framed as performance or capability issues. In reality, they are relational dynamics playing out.

Leadership happens through people, and it unfolds through the conversations and connections leaders have, the expectations they set, the boundaries they hold and the way responsibility moves between a leader and the people they lead. This is the space relational leadership focuses on.

It is important to be clear about what relational leadership is not. It is not about being nice, avoiding tension or prioritising harmony at the expense of accountability. Relational leadership recognises that leadership influence lives inside the relationship between a leader and their team. When that relationship is handled intentionally and skilfully, the conditions for performance, trust and accountability strengthen naturally.

When leaders learn to work in this way, feedback becomes clearer, accountability is easier to hold, and trust grows because people know where they stand. Teams begin to operate with greater honesty and maturity because expectations are discussed openly rather than left implied.

When leaders cannot work in this relational space, even a strong strategy struggles to land with the people responsible for delivering it.

Over the years, I have watched many well-intentioned leaders carry the quiet weight of this work. Most care deeply about the people they lead. They want their teams to succeed, and they feel responsible for the culture forming around them. Yet many have never been shown how to lead relationally.

Instead, they are given processes, performance frameworks and leadership models to operate within. These structures have value, but what is often missing are the practical behavioural shifts and relational micro-skills that shape real leadership conversations.

These skills show up in the subtle moments of leadership. The way a leader frames feedback, the steadiness they bring when tension rises in a conversation, or their ability to hold both care and accountability at once without collapsing into either. Despite how often these moments shape team health, they are still too often dismissed as ‘soft skills’.

In reality, they are fundamental leadership skills.

This realisation is what led me to develop what I now call the Relational Leadership Micro Skills Method, or the RLM Method. The method draws on years of observing leadership in real organisations, leadership research, and the lived experience of working alongside leaders navigating complex environments.

It is not built on theory alone, nor is it motivational thinking. The focus is on the moments when leadership actually happens, such as a one-to-one conversation where something difficult needs to be addressed, a team meeting where behaviour needs to be named, or the quiet moment when a leader notices a pattern emerging in their team and decides whether to ignore it or address it.

These everyday moments shape trust, culture and performance far more than most leadership frameworks acknowledge.

The RLM Method is designed to help leaders work skilfully in those moments by strengthening the relational micro-skills that influence how leaders communicate, take responsibility, and guide behaviour over time.

There is also something else I think is important to say here.

Relational leadership is not about getting it right one hundred per cent of the time. I certainly do not. I am the first to offer my developmental areas. Like anyone who works with people, I still have moments where I move too quickly through a conversation, respond more directly than intended or realise afterwards that I missed the relational cue sitting in front of me.

What matters is what happens next.

Over time, I have developed a personal practice that I often describe, somewhat casually, as “mopping up my mess”. In more formal language, it is simply a repair conversation in the workplace. When I notice that I have handled a moment poorly, I go back and correct it.

That might mean returning to a conversation and acknowledging that something I said landed harder than intended. It might mean clarifying an expectation that I communicated poorly or naming a moment where I moved past someone’s perspective too quickly.

Repair language is one of the most overlooked leadership capabilities I see.

Many leaders assume credibility comes from being composed and correct all the time. In reality, trust often grows stronger when a leader can recognise a misstep and repair it thoughtfully. It signals awareness, accountability and respect for the relationship and the work.

Relational leadership is not about perfection. It is about responsibility for the relational environment you create around you.

For me, the discipline of returning, repairing and recalibrating when needed is one of the clearest expressions of relational leadership in practice. It is less visible than strategy or decision-making, yet it quietly strengthens trust and keeps relationships healthy over time.

I am careful about how much of the method I share publicly because it represents intellectual property developed through years of practice and refinement. At the same time, the thinking behind it is something I am increasingly choosing to talk about more openly.

Leadership is getting heavier for many people. Managers are carrying more responsibility than ever, expectations continue to rise, and the human complexity of teams is increasing. Many capable leaders are working extremely hard just to keep things steady for the people around them.

Relational leadership offers another way forward. It’s not the only solution to effective leadership, but it is a large piece of what defines a great leader. It does not rely on adding more frameworks or theory to an already crowded leadership landscape. Instead, it strengthens the relational capability leaders bring to the conversations that shape their teams every day.

If I were to ask ten managers whether they see themselves as relational leaders, most would confidently say ‘yes’. Yet if we were quietly observing how leadership actually unfolds in meetings and conversations, the picture would likely be more mixed. This is not about shaming leaders or questioning their intentions. It is about bringing awareness to how leadership behaviour shapes the relational environment people work within.

When organisations want stronger cultures, healthier accountability and teams that function with greater trust, leaders need support in the relational work of leadership.

This is the work I do with leaders every day, and it is the work I will continue to build, refine and share through the RLM Method.